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Nurse
Goodbody. . . . . the name conjures up a seductive siren that could be imagined in the arms of the dashing 007. . . .. . .but beneath those full, pouting lips and that ample bosom lies a tale more tragic that Olga's herself. To start with, her real name is Olive Shufflebottom (she came from a long line of 'bottoms), it doesn't quite have the same romantic image, does it? It all began in a cold, wet, windswept corner of NW England, where men were men and sheep were nervous. No one really knows who her true family was. All that is known is that she was adopted by a group of retired, travelling, female Cumberland mud wrestlers. From an early age Olive developed an affinity with the wild animals that shared their ramshackle home. At the age of two she befriended an orphaned ferret, who she called Trevor . . .in fact she called all her pets Trevor . . .it gave her less to think about, alas her capacity for learning and free thought was somewhat impaired after being involved in a traumatic episode involving two black puddings, a pound of tripe and a bicycle pump. |
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The tragic
effects can be seen for yourselves, as a result she became a
recluse, refusing to be seen during the hours of daylight. Years later Olive still had her fondness for the little furry creatures, by this time she was onto her fifth orphaned ferret. . . .Yep . . .your right, Trevor was his name . . . .Trevor the Flatulent Ferret . . .she found out later he wasn't really orphaned, but disowned by his family because of the noxious gases emanating from his nether regions. Olive knew none of this, her sense of smell long since gone. Trevor was able to perform outstanding tricks . . .to break wind at Will . . .but Will got sick of the smell . . . and left. Not to be put off, Olive continued on her own, whistling simple melodies for Trevor to trumpet back to her. Finally his big day arrived, his first public performance, but alas once more . . . .it never was to be. On the way to the local village hall he heard the cry of a rampant bull and blew himself inside out trying to reply. Olive was inconsolable, in an attempt to put her past tragedies behind her, she left England for a new life in America. Some years later, and after extensive plastic surgery, she suddenly appeared on the doorstep of Carolyn's Clinic, as Nurse Goodbody. A new glamorous assistant for Nurse Olga, but suspicions were soon raised . . .as well as the eyebrows of the patients when they caught sight of the thermometer she was packing . . .when she was spotted one night, ferreting around the bushes. When questioned she said she had lost her thermometer, but Olga was not convinced. The next night Olga lay in wait, sure enough as the clock struck midnight Goodbody could be heard whispering . ."Trevor...Trevor" Olga leapt out of the bushes, hoping to surprise her, in the arms of her secret admirer. She was sadly disappointed . . Goodbody was no where to be seen. The next day Goodbody had no option but to tell the truth, she had been attempting to rescue the last remaining male from a family of squirrels. . . .all the rest had mysteriously disappeared not long after Olga's meatball recipe appeared on the Clinic menu. After two days she finally managed to entice little Trevor from out of the undergrowth and into the safety of her ample cleavage. There he stayed in comfort, until one tragic night when the lure of the wilderness was too much for him. When Goodbody was asleep he slipped out into the gardens for a few titbits, unknown to him Olga was lurking nearby, waiting to add him to her new improved "meaty" meatball recipe. He heard a noise, he tried to run, but he was rooted to the spot as Olga bore down on him, chopper in hand. . .the rest is too gruesome to contemplate . . .but here's the last known picture of Trevor, and the reason for his demise .
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