Ian "Chinners/The Mighty Wah" Kelly

Self proclaimed Darling of the Terraces, Chinners is the master of the 15 minute cameo appearance. Once guilty of wearing the most repulsive shirt ever made, Chinners is famous throughout the lady boy population of Thailand since his recent visit.
Sees himself as the midfield general, only saving grace being the occasional excellent use of footballing cliches.

Glen "50p" Kelly

Brother of the aforementioned Chinners, 50's full nickname is in fact 50p Head, due to the bizarre angles in which headers seem to fly off at from his cranium. Once actually heard to say "You all want to be me" 50's was actually born with only a left foot, explaining his inability to use his right one on the pitch.

Les "Scouse Maldini" Dodd

Captain, Porn Star, Scientist, all round media superstar, Les graduated from The School of Hard Knocks on the tough streets of Liverpool. A keen supplier of car stereos, it seems clear that you can take the boy out of Liverpool, but you can't take Liverpool out of the boy. Now displaying bizarre leanings towards the Italian lifestyle, Les's greatest achievement reamins stretching the captains arm band so far that he wore it Bjorn Borg style round his head for a number of games.

Simon "Whinger/Balsa Wood Boy 2" Hebdon

Si's main problem is his lack of competitiveness. He just doesn't seem to care and shirks many a tackle. Rightly famous for a drinking spree and related events in Woking's Rat and Parrot, Si has a severe phobia relating to inside out socks and is never slow to reprimand culprits in the changing room.

Denzil "Salmon/Fox in the Box" Guy

Until this season, Denzil/Darren/Lee/Gaffer was the Guvnor of Lion Sports, unfortunately the pressures of fame forced him to hang up his sheepskin and concentrate on treating all and sundry to the sight of him in shorts each Sunday morning. Denz was rightly world famous for his team talks, no cliche remained unused in these mammoth orations, especially popular was the request for "the Sheringham corner" to be utilised in the Cup Final. Best ever moment in a Lion's shirt was when he let a back pass roll under his foot and into the goal, and then got himself tangled in the net and couldn't stand up - pure comedy genius.

Rory "Shepherd" Cooney

Mild mannered, quite lad Rory is the behemoth who defends the Lion's goal. His nickname stems from a goal conceded at Goldsworth Park a couple of season's ago when he kindly shepherded the ball into the corner of the net. Not a great idea to take him on in a drinking contest.

Ian "Geordie/Barrasin" Stoddart

Canny lad Geordie is a big fan of those loveable men in black - the referees! Often heard to shout out "fantastic decision Referee - I applaud you for that!" Well he could be saying that, nobody has really got a clue what he's going on about. Has recently joined the select "Lion Sports 30 something club" and is therefore instantly a role model to the younger players.

Gordy "Pistons" Young

Where to start? Gordy extolls all the virtues of a top class Sunday league player - he can head it and kick it a long way! Has been around even longer than Les's moustache, and apparently when he calls for the ball it can be heard in Lichtenstein. Recently tempted out of retirement by the gaffer's silver tongue (and steak and kidney pie sweetener), Gordy is the Colin Hendry of the squad (only not as good looking) and continues to provide memorable anecdotes especially relating to alcohol and women. A legend in his own lunchtime no less!

"Disco" Stu Morris

Gareth Gates was apparently spotted lurking in the bushes at a league game last season (no he wasn't meeting Gordy) he was in fact stealing the design of Disco's lovingly coifurred Barnet! Surely a court case is pending? Away from the fashion stakes, Stu is another in the squad with Scottish ancestry - this can be confirmed by witnessing the killer instinct he shows in front of goal!Should be commended as the last player in the squad to still be employed by James Walker!

Colin "The Count" MacDonald - he has returned!!!

"One goal this season! Ah Ah Ah!" The Count's jet black mane can often be seen streaking through defences on a Sunday morning (Apart from that game against the Garlic factory). Only a young lad, The Count has already been married eight times! Regretfully, The Count has now retired from football, apparently to concentrate on hovering outside his girlfriend's window.

Matthew "CIE" Gibb

Gibbo's pace on the field is legendary, however even more impressive is the speed in which he locates and then occupies the toilet before each game, and then treats us to the sumptuous sounds and aromas as he "drops the kids off at the swimming pool", usually with the door wide open.
Also renowned for his prowess in the pants department, his nickname CIE is quicky explained to all new signings in a practical demonstration.