“Lions Get the Abbey Habit – Best Bar Nun” – The Daily Star – 27/01/03

A performance of class, character, commitment composure and loads of other (printable) adjectives beginning with “c” was required from the Mighty Lions, and they most certainly delivered. Abbey are well and truly hot favourites for the coveted Seria 2 title, and rightly so, but on their day the Lions are more than a match for any team, as this vintage display proved.
ON a pitch more suited to mud wrestling (NB Gordy has details of clubs specialising in this activity, but that’s another matter), or grazing cows (Again, Gordy’s your man) it didn’t look as if a flowing game of football was to be witnessed, but credit to both teams for the way they handled the conditions. In particular, The Tangerine Dream Machine were immediately into their stride, totally dominating the midfield exchanges, barely giving the opposition’s young, pop idol auditionee look-alikes time to get their bearings.
Sure enough, midway through the first half, the pressure told and the Lions took the lead through the usual route, with Gibbo fashioning something from nothing. After explaining before the game that he couldn’t do any running because he’d re-cycled last nights half pounder, and could squit through the eye of a needle currently owned by Little Gemma the smallest doll in the world, he proceeded to pick the ball up on the left flank, cut inside at full tilt and unleash a ferocious drive into the corner of the chicken run.
Poor Gibbo, he must be really ill.
So half time arrived with the score at 1 – 0, but the second forty five was not so kind to the Lions, and the Abbey Lads equalised early on. Soon after some poor marking they were in front, and it looked as if they would continue with their impressive league form.
But, if there’s one word to describe the Lions it would be resilient Yet, when the scores were levelled it came form the most unlikely of sources. Remarkably, the equaliser came from that veritable goal machine himself Stevie “Sod you bunch of losers, I’m off to America” Richardson, with a sweetly struck left foot volley from the edge of the box.
Two apiece then , looking like a share of the spoils for both sides, but the Lions had other ideas. Firstly Chinners contrived to miss an open goal of Ronny Rosenthal proportions – yet apparently he “is still great”.
Then the following happened with seconds to go. (Please note : This paragraph is taken form an email sent by a certain Mr Gordon Young to the Lions Players. I have added in brackets the words that you or I would use in place of those chosen by Mr Young, as I feel it makes the whole descriptive narrative more honest and accurate.)
“The game was delicately balance d at 2 –2 , Chinners had just missed the easiest chance ever seen (true) and Abbey thought they had beenn let off the hook. Two minutes remaining and Gibbo launches a howitzer into the area which is duly headed out. Gibbo then dinks the ball back into the box wher 13 stone 9lb (18 stone dead) of strawberry blonde hunk (Of Guinness bloated, kebab munching, Ian Dowie lookalike) rose awesomely (fell over) before powering a bullet header into the onion bag (Before banging his head against the ball whereby it bobbled over the line). The crowd went wild and Abbey realised that they were no match for NLG (Everyone groaned because they knew they’d never hear the end of it)
So Abbey’s first loss of the season, and a great win for the Lions. After the game gaffer Sam “Thumb” Johnson was a proud man “What was the score” he said “ I left at half time”.

Comedy moments (Courtesy of Denz, NLG. Disco)
a)Chinners miss (and relying on his girlfriend to defend him in the pub)
b)Frithy’s boots admission (Oh what fun for us when he signs!)
c)Gibbo’s lovely description of hurling.
d)The pitch