Hello Everyone,
My name is Peggy, aka Laketrue. A few years back, I ran into some health issues that caused me to go on more medications that caused me to be dizzy and at times more inefficient than I would have hoped to be. I talked it over with my doctor and decided that it was probably best for all concerned to quit my two jobs and be content to stay at home and find other ways to be productive in life. The newness wore off after a few days here, and I decided to activate the computer that I had purchased the year before and learn at the age of 53 the art of being online and meeting sign names and people who I sensed had a tremendous value.
I grant you that my first trip with computers rather turned me off when I went to compose a letter and had it spell checked to reach the bottom and ask me if it was not better to put piggy in place of Peggy. At that point I was thinking seriously of scheduling a PMS event. Eventually after a million mistakes and foibles, I learned how to type faster, what words would help me communicate with this world and what most of us here sought for comfort online. I think I can truthfully say that being online taught me as much as socializing ever did to what we most sincerely yearn for in life.
After the newness wore off though of being online, I found that I was totally depressed with feeling that I was not with any true purpose or value. I cut my long hair, found myself being isolated, and the feeling of lost came often in my dreary days of nothing.
One day in a chat room, I met a lady who asked if I could help her. I said I did not know but would try. She imed me and this is her story:
She
is a single mom raising two children finally to be able to leave them home and
spend a weekend in
As she described the rape and eventual beating she received from the boys, I could hear the tears of pain fall on her keyboard and my heart felt as if it would crush at her words.
All of the words I typed back of losing control, not your fault, please don’t be so hard on you seemed to go upon deaf ears. She had been home for a time and had never told her children what had happened, but they knew her world had changed and yet could not understand it. She needed to talk about it, relive it, and understand the balance of blame to actions. She needed to be free of the guilt. It took her a time to relay that guilt in the form that at one point one of the boys performed oral sex on her and to her shame she found her body denying her fear and reacting to the stimuli.
At that point when it was free I started to talk to her about survival and how her children would understand it all, of only she gave them credit to be the children that she had nurtured and had faith in, her children of her creation.
I have heard from her once since we touched over four years ago. She is finally free of all the guilt from that event and her life has become a greater beauty. She thanked me for caring enough to listen and provide words that made her feel like a human again.
This web site in many ways scares me because I deal with many in life that have pain and have been hurt. I share their feelings and thoughts with those that read my messages on AOL, and hope that by giving all a chance to speak thoughts we all might be a part of learning to the finest degree. The more I got involved with helping people, the more I found it helped me to recover from the life I have lived. I believe that when we know all of our selves, and are content with the production, then our time to leave here will be due.
I practice the Golden Rule when I talk to others and try to treat them the way that I would wish to be treated. I send them as much love as I can and show them kindness to let them know I care about their lives and what happens to them.
I hope that my entries give you strategies to use to help yourself, or just to have incase you need them. I share my feelings, thoughts, and blessings as they come and hope that by being a part of my world, it adds to yours in some way. I try to be my name, the lake of truth. I don’t spare my ego or feelings when I am discerning motives, or try to hide beneath walls to understand why I do things the way I do.
I am just me, Peggy Foos.