Thank you
for being HUMAN..
as well as a wonderwoman
Awwwwwww
Johnlight I love you too.
Gene came home a few days ago and had a worried look on his face. When I
asked what was wrong he stated that one of his fellow salesmen was in a bit of
trouble with some events that happened Monday.
The salesman sold a pickup to a couple and off they went to their home over 50
miles away. He was proud of the sale and happy to do his job well.
He received a call Tuesday morning though from the mother of one of the two
saying that they had had a horrible wreck the night before, rolled the pickup
three times and were both in intensive care. Sad to say I have not heard
any more other than everyone was concerned of their welfare let alone the
'other' implications that arose from this event.
Neither the salesman or the manager in charge had notated whether the
individuals had any insurance on the vehicle. As you read this I know your
mind is going to the places beyond this one event and how it could affect all
sales from here on. It was I believe a used vehicle, and I do not know all
of the details to it either, only what off shoots comes with the wreck.
The million questions that run through their minds, the dance to avoid the
reality and let alone pray for the two struggling to get through the wreck.
As much as we trust what we purchase, there is always going to be the downside
to any purchase. Improper usage, faulty equipment, human error, all wrap
up the unknown in our lives daily. Even with tools we are somewhat
familiar with, there is always the unknown.
I sent a funny message Kevin shared about how 'work' can become a virus, and
found that one of my readers took it as a reason to beat himself up.
Although it was meant as humor, it turned his view on surviving life and having
to work as a pendulum around his neck stopping him from being more. He
used this example of his feelings to try to sway more to send him $10.00 to help
him feed his family rather than turn it to the lighter side of life and allow
him to laugh because the fact is most of us have to work to live.
It might be my silly damn pride that holds me back from asking others to be
responsible for me, and yet it may just very well be the opposite. When I
found that I was incapable of accepting less from me in doing my many jobs well,
I accepted the fate of going on disability and still did not 'quit' working on
things I was good at like my shows, my writings, or my helping others. I
was lucky that I had bought a computer before things got tough here. I am
still lucky that Gene works and is supplying the funds to pay for my being here
but I do also know that my work efforts are the one reason that my disability
checks are more than most ladies too. I can't take my checks and live on
my own though, or at the present rate of our debts it will never come close to
meeting a balance, but I feel every day that I am blessed by still being here
and a working lady in her own right.
Maybe my reaction to being asked to support others financially lies in the fact
that I know that even if Gene is asked by God to leave, somehow, someway I will
still survive and be me and go on with what I consider working with or without a
computer.
Spencer wrote a song that I shared with you called 'sacrifice.' It is a
beautiful song that draws many emotions from me and yet inspires me to just feel
that no matter how many cartwheels my life takes, the sacrifice of living is
worth the effort. Some people look at words as a reason to blame them for
still existing or take the positive from them and learn to go more easy with
themselves. Others find a reason to be a drama queen and say what the
hell, you help me be more. Both have a reason for being. Some
inspire, while others try to place guilt on you so that you do more for them
than they wish to do themselves. Come on down to my gutter and see if it
is pretty. The $10.00 will not help you like you.
The $10.00 will not inspire you not to lean on others for your reason to be
alive and believe what you do is right and true. The $10.00 will only
enable you more to lean. You can mulitply that $10.00 a zillion times but
it will not allow you to be happy with your life.
Oh and by they way John Martz, I am never demanded to keep quiet on some I help,
I do it as a courtesy to them and their jobs in life. I only used them as
an example that their problems at times are too harsh to share with the world.
That it is very hard to define why a 22 year old man was hung with a belt
because he was gay, Or that a fire bug was rampant in North Carolina.
I don't dwell on the negative and never will. No one demands of me except
me.
I don't want to beat you up though as you do that so well yourself love.
I have from time to time reacted strongly with your writings and then gone back
and tried to soothe the words feeling I had hurt you more than helped you.
I do know from personal experience that if you have a heart condition, the
roller coaster emotions of your depression are fighting against the healing.
If you are going to talk about what I send you then please copy and paste all of
it, rather than interject your feelings upon what they are not allowed to view.
You off-shot gave the impression I work and at the end of the sustaining of the
virus I go out to drink. lololol Come on John, if the bars had to rely on
my drinking to survive they would be broke long ago.
I feel like I sold you a car that you wrecked today and I am not sure you have
enough insurance to cover the costs of that wreck. I rely on all my
emotions to prove to me and the world that yeah I am human and have many faults.
One of my main faults is reacting without thought. So, as much as I
tried to not react, I find I am instead.
But beings I reside in a free society, I will put your writing here and let the
group decide if my reaction is an over reaction or valid it their minds.
Either way I can only just say what I have said and let the chips fall.
Have a great day everyone and know I love you.
Sincerely,
Peggy
CAN
THE WORK 'VIRUS'---5-9-03
CAN THE WORK 'VIRUS' ACTUALLY KILL ITS VICTIMS
The stroke of midnight is upon me. This is what death is all about
perhaps. Why am I even up at this ungodly hour much less attempting this
message the way I think & feel right now. My eyes are refusing to
focus properly as though facing direct sunlight. I just had the most
terrible or hopeless of nightmares in which my victim's status was triply
compounded. I feel totally exhausted, without the least chance of
finishing this message successfully. I AM ALREADY DRAINED, AND FEAR A
SUDDEN HEART ATTACK MAY INTERRUPT ANY SECOND IF I DON'T STOP THIS WRITING FOLLY.
I am overwhelmed by the usual need to skillfully incorporate multiple notes.
I am far above a safe limit of operation in all that faces me in this daunting
task. Further, I feel myself smack dab in the center of hordes of fellow
sufferers. I feel as though each one of you is currently experiencing a
similar plunge into hell, into the worst possible earth or material environment.
Imagine your worst fears have just been realized. Now, you are beginning
to join me. Now, you are beginning to enter---with me---the current world
of Father G., "The search for a listening heart." Thank God, I
have you handful of willing friends or listeners to turn to in my misery.
For some reason, a deluge of searing e-mails reached me all at once. The
first was from Dena who has good reason to fear the Bush Administration, to fear
another Bush 'big mistake'. There follows my mixed up notes, my feeble
efforts to find the tiniest of spaces to jot them down or fit them in.
One-no two-no THREE separate searing e-mails or pleas from my Israeli news
source. What situation on earth presently is closer to a hellish dilemma
than the one facing this tiny, besieged, surrounded State of Israel? The
next note is the AOL OPINIONS, "Trouble in Bush's America," with words
like "You want shock & awe? Come to New York City" and
"easing the economic struggles of poor and working families in America is
not part of his agenda." Then, there follows my own plea or series of
pleas beginning with TOO BAD such and such is happening in some cases and not in
others. In short, why can't things work out any better for me / FOR US /
FOR EACH ONE OF US!
Peggy's latest message is worthy of a separate paragraph even though it fits
perfectly into the last one. Her "work and more" introduced the
work & virus analogy, directly led to our single God revelation above.
The specific contents noted the only way to effectively deal with the "work
virus" is 15 rounds of drinks at a local pub or bar. She also
insinuated---in her writings---that "work" destroys one's personal
life, diminishes true friendship, and even limits normal friendships to a
dangerously low number. She went on to reveal very personal or private
correspondence / on-line relationships with various people or individuals
demanding her secrecy or best discretion. In a nutshell, she revealed or
disclosed the private hells of others in her life, in her on-line life. I
could not help but feel deeply for anyone not able to express his or her true or
deepest feelings to ANYONE. I even admit to feeling a bit sorry for myself
in noting my not being supported or funded otherWISE. It seemed like the
only WISE thing for each one of you to do instead of the just one of you.
It seemed TOO BAD---especially in light of Dena & Emiliano &
"Trouble in Bush's America"---that I had to temporarily or maybe
permanently end BUSH'S DAILY BRIEFING. Could my "work"
alternative, my working for minimum wage at CINTAS, the total wasting of my long
past efforts, my character & creative-building endeavors, ACTUALLY KILL ME
IN SHORT ORDER?
My last or concluding note is simply 'THIRST'. You will recall the Salt of
the Earth sermon or message. Yes, I have a very, very deep & abiding
soul thirst for something better, something more helpful to others, something
more worthy of my God gifts or assets, something well worth my death
sacrifice---AND STILL FEED MY FAMILY.
All my love and respect,
John Martz
p.s. I forgot one tiny thing. I was quite troubled yesterday late
when Karen accidentally stepped on an ant I saw close to her one shoe. I
didn't realize until too late that I and not God was supposed to save it.
It still troubles me, and did somewhat as I prepared / finished the above.
I
wonder who missed the joke