Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
because it was stuck to the chickens foot

Why did a boy take a pencil to bed?
so he could draw the curtains

Where was Micheal Jackson caught picking his nose?
In a Catalogue!

10 Ways to Annoy Cops

-Say, "Damn, officer, you must have been going fast to keep up with me!"
-When he approaches you, stare at his gut and say, "Hmmm. I thought cops had to be physically fit."
-Sway and ask if his bulletproof vest protects him from projectile vomiting.
-Lie on the ground and ask him to draw your outline in chalk.
-Throw his nightstick and tell the police dog to fetch it.
-Ask him if you can use his pepper spray to spice up your pizza.
-Tell him you wanted to be a cop, but decided to graduate high school instead.
-When he asks you to walk the line, "Riverdance" instead.
-Instead of pleading the 5th amendment, plead the 13th or 16th.
-When he asks for your license, say, "Oh sure, officer, can you hold me beer for a sec?"

A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach.
The blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."

Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach.

Again, the blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."

The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear.

She immediately gets up, says, "Thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman.

He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to LA."

(if you have any good jokes and you would like to have them printed on the website,then send them to james@united94.freeserve.co.uk,or click the link on the home page.)