AS AN EIGHT YEAR OLD BOY WHILST ON HOLIDAY, I VERY NEARLY SUFFERED A FATE WORST THAN DEATH. HIS REACTION TO THAT EPISODE WAS TO TREAT ME AS A LEPER. I HAD NO UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT WAS GOING ON OR WHY I WAS BEING TREATED LIKE THAT.

MY TEENAGE YEARS WERE MORE TRAUMATIC THAN MOST. HE WORKED NIGHTS. EACH MORNING WAS FILLED WITH TENSION AND STRESS WITH HIM EXPLODING OVER THE SLIGHTEST THING - A CORNFLAKE SPILT ON THE TABLE - A DOOR NOT CLOSED PROPERLY.

THIS LIFESTYLE AFFECTED ME AT SCHOOL.

AFTER SCHOOL, I WOULD HAVE TO TIP-TOE AROUND THE HOUSE IN FEAR OF WAKING THE OGRE. MY SISTER ALSO SUFFERED HIS ABUSE. MANY A TIME HE WOULD STORM DOWNSTAIRS AND LAY INTO US WITH VERBAL ABUSE AND VIOLENCE.

I WAS OFTEN SO SCARED AND FRUSTRATED, I WOULD RUN OUT THE HOUSE AND WALK THE STREETS UNTIL MUM CAME HOME FROM WORK.

HE WOULD GO TO WORK AROUND 8.PM AND ALL THE TENSION WOULD INSTANTLY EVAPORATE. THE THREE OF US COULD THEN RELAX.

MOST WEEKENDS I WOULD BE SUMMONED TO HELP HIM. THIS MEANT STANDING NEXT TO HIM FOR HOURS ON END WITH NOTHING TO DO. HE SEEMED TO THINK THAT I WOULD BE FASCINATED TO WATCH HIM BODGE UP AN OLD CAR AND THAT I WOULD BENEFIT FROM WATCHING HIM.

OF COURSE, NONE OF MY MATES HAD TO SUFFER THIS WAY WITH THEIR DADS AND THEY WOULD BE OUT PLAYING FOOTBALL OR RIDING BIKES WHILST I HAD TO JUST STAND THERE.

IF I SUGGESTED THAT I SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO GO, I WOULD BE SUBJECTED TO MORE ABUSE. "IDLE JACK" "GO OFF AND PLAY WITH THE GIRLS SKIPPING ROPES". IT SOUNDS SILLY BUT IT WAS CONSTANT. THAT AND OTHER COMMENTS, LIKE CHINESE WATER TORTURE. IT NEVER ENDED.

THERE SEEMED LITTLE POINT MAKING ANY EFFORT AT SCHOOL. HE TOLD ME IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS THAT I WOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO GO ON TO THE SIXTH FORM OR TO COLLEGE. I FANCIED A JOB IN A BANK OR AN OFFICE BUT WAS TOLD BY HIM THAT IT WAS A WOMAN'S JOB AND THAT I SHOULD GET A JOB IN A FOUNDRY. THE LAST THING I WANTED WAS TO HAVE TO WORK WITH HIM.

DESPITE EVERYTHING, I FINISHED SCHOOL WITH A FEW O LEVELS BUT FOUND OUT SOME YEARS LATER THAT I HAVE AN I.Q. OF I46. WHAT A WASTE!

I REMEMBER MR COTTON AT SCHOOL HAVING A RIGHT GO AT ME ABOUT MY BEHAVIOUR. HE WAS SAYING I WAS FROM A GOOD HOME AND THAT I HAD NO EXCUSE FOR PLAYING UP WHEN HE HAD TO DEAL WITH KIDS FROM BROKEN HOMES. HE ASKED ME WHAT MY PROBLEM WAS BUT I WAS TRYING SO HARD NOT TO CRY, I COULDN'T SPEAK.

I OFTEN THOUGHT ABOUT KILLING MYSELF. MY SISTER TRIED WHEN SHE WAS 17 AND I THOUGHT/HOPED THAT HE WOULD CHANGE HIS WAYS AFTER THAT BUT HE DIDN'T. NOTHING WAS EVER HIS FAULT. BASTARD.

I HAD A FEW CHOICES FOR JOBS AFTER SCHOOL BUT HE MADE ME TAKE AN ENGINEERING COURSE IN KINGSTON THAT WAS SPONSORED BY G.E.C. IT PAID A WAGE, OTHERWISE I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ALLOWED TO GO, NOT THAT I WANTED TO. I WASN'T INTERESTED IN ENGINEERING AND I WASN'T SUITED TO THE COURSE. THEY THREW ME OFF AFTER 14 MONTHS AND I HAD TO GO BACK HOME TO SUFFER FOUR MORE MONTHS OF ABUSE AND VIOLENCE.

HE IGNORED MY EIGHTEENTH BIRTHDAY COMPLETELY AND THEN CONTRIVED AN EXCUSE TO EVENTUALLY THROW ME OUT - ON MOTHER'S DAY. I ENDED UP HAVING TO STAY IN THE Y.M.C.A.

EVERYONE IN THE STREET HATES HIM AND HIS OWN FAMILY, INCLUDING HIS BROTHER KEEP WELL AWAY FROM HIM.

MORE RECENTLY, SHORTLY AFTER MY WIFE HAD LEFT ME AND MY BOYS. HE CAME UP TO ME WITH A BIG SMILE AND SAID "HOW'S THE MISSUS?" I CHINNED HIM AND HE RAN OFF!

BOTH MY SISTER AND ME KEEP OUR CHILDREN WELL AWAY FROM HIM.

HE TURNED UP TO MY NAN'S FUNERAL IN AN ANORAK AND TRAINERS. NO DOUBT HIS WAY OF SNEERING AT HER MEMORY.