On the bus to Las Vegas we teamed up with another guy whom Mike got chatting to. It is weird how everyone that Mike meets is male, from London and heavily into football. The autopsy of various matches was going hammer and tongs so I caught up on some sleep.

We had to change buses is LA and there was a three hour wait. We got hungry and we decided to leave the relative security of the transit centre in search of something edible to eat. The moment you walked through the security barrier you were surrounded by beggars. I got talking to one black guy who had a degree, was heavily into English literature and was probably one of the most well educated people I have ever met. What the hell was this guy doing on the street?

On the way to Las Vegas a lady went into Labour on the bus and we had to make an emergency detour. When we eventually arrived the next morning the tackiness hit you right between the eyes. I could spend several pages slagging off Las Vegas, but as the place is run by the Mafia, I won't otherwise I might end-up being part of the foundations of a new bridge or something.

The place might be tacky, but it has got money seeping out of it. All the lights and glitz, which are the familiar image of Las Vegas, are in the down-town area, but the up-town area is where all the serious money is. Caesar's Palace is all done out like a Roman city, complete with blokes in battle-dress and unbelievably fit women in unfeasibly skimpy outfits. I always thought that casinos were full of Roulette and Black Jake tables, so I was surprised to see that most of the space is taken up with fruit machines. Mind you the jackpots were anything up to a million dollars, and there was even a million dollars sitting in a glass case.

Each machine had an a woman sitting at it who was taking one dollar coins from a bucket, plugging them into the machine and then pulling the handle. When the bucket was empty, they would empty their winnings into it and start again. That was their holiday!

Above all the machines was an indication of the percentage pay-out, typically about 98%. So if you want a gamble, it makes more sense to go to Las Vegas than it does to waste your money on the National Lottery, which has a payout of a rather pathetic 50%. I went on some of the less expensive machines and my $1.30 change lasted about half an hour. Not bad value for money!

Next door to Caesar's Palace was the Mirage, which was on the same scale. This had a simply horrendous false volcano outside it and the crowds gathered each hour to see it erupt. They also had two white tigers stuck in a cage. As far as we were concerned, putting two of the rarest and most beautiful creatures in the world in a cage in Las Vegas was criminal (but I would never say that to any casino owner unless I could get on some sort of witness protection programme!)

The prize for the most naff sight in Las Vegas (and it was up against some pretty fierce competition) has got to go to the drive-through wedding chapel!